Unplanned Honesty

Unplanned Honesty

He told them to open their Bibles, ignoring their muffled sighs. Teenagers.  You’d recognize their expressions—rolling eyes and sluggardly movements. The teacher read from James anyway:

“You who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’”  James 4:13-15

He closed his Bible and solemnly told his students a personal example. His parents had wanted to be missionaries. Then, they both discovered they had cancer. Even our best plans, he explained, can be altered without warning. Little did the teacher know, that he would actually demonstrate his point.

He meant to give a well-thought-out Bible lesson with a meaningful illustration. The teaching was supposed to start and finish on time, like a Sunday sermon that ends by noon for the football game. Yet something totally unplanned happened.

photoAs he shared about his parents’ illnesses, his own grief welled up like a mighty, churning river and overflowed into the room. There he sat, weeping uncontrollably. The eighth-graders remained frozen in their seats, completely absorbed in the moment. Not a desk creaked. No one even dared to swallow.Continue reading

Kind Warnings

Kind Warnings

So by now, you’re probably wondering about the third word. Several weeks ago I wrote about three words that flashed through my mind one night, when I was nearly asleep. I wrenched myself awake to find a notebook in the dark. I didn’t understand what God might be saying, but jotted the words down anyway.

The words were BEMOAN, REDRESS, and RECRIMINATE. Thirty-six hours later, my bemoaning surfaced, and I cried my eyes out. Two days after that fitful episode, God redressed the issue through a dream. And that led to the significance of the third word.

one couple man and woman screaming shouting diputeRecriminate means to accuse somebody in return, a countercharge or retaliation.

One dictionary said “endless accusation.”

Bemoaning becomes recrimination if we fail to redress root issues. In other words, unresolved pain becomes a festering wound that triggers perpetual conflict—the rip-and-tear kind. Sounds like hell, right?

Years ago, I came across this quote on quarreling:

“As Christians we must of course repent of all the anger, malice, and self-will which allowed the discussion to become, on our side, a quarrel at all. But there is also the question on a far lower level: “granted the quarrel…did you fight fair?”Continue reading

Wishbone Assumptions

Wishbone Assumptions

During worship one Sunday, I saw an image of a wishbone. God held one side and offered me the other. Somehow, I knew if I pulled it, I’d end up with the short end.

I said to God, “What’s this about?” All at once, I heard in my spirit—disappointment in relationships.

Interestingly, the sermon that followed was about God’s desire for us to be one with Him—as in marriage. The wishbone was a signal to examine any wrong assumptions I held about God because of painful human relationships.

If you’re wounded in marriage, it’s hard to understand the “mystery” that Paul writes about in Ephesians 5.

For some, disappointment in relationships stretches back to earlier hurts with parents. Unresolved wounds in our original relationships play out in all current interactions.

Pastor Kim Unrau told his story as an example. Kim had a great dad—a dad who tucked him in, said “I love you” out loud, and told Kim he could be anything he wanted. His dad was stable and worked hard to provide, but also spent long hours away from the family, “advancing the kingdom.”

When Kim examined the past more closely, he realized his disappointment. He was living under several assumptions: First, that his father didn’t have much time for him. Secondly, when his father was around, he didn’t listen to him or pursue his heart. And finally, his dad always tried to fix him with pastoral platitudes. You could see the pain in Kim’s face as he shared.

Though Kim idolized his father, he was hurt by him. Left unresolved, those same assumptions shadowed his relationships with other men in authority.

Invariably, disappointment with people spills over into disappointment with God.

Around that time, my friend Pastor Jim Tharp wrote an article in Christian Renewal Ministries Journal. He pointed out that Christians coexist with many ongoing sins in their lives. He named a few, including the sin of “prolonged discouragement.”

Wait a minute! Did I read that right?Continue reading