Paradoxical Keys

Paradoxical Keys

In the stillness, I heard the Lord speak.

I’d just returned from a restaurant and entered my hotel room. In some places, housekeeping staff can be snoopy or worse, so I used two tiny padlocks on my suitcases as a deterrent.

I opened the first lock and rummaged around looking for my phone cord. When I went to unfasten the other lock, the key was gone! I’d only laid it down for a second. How could it disappear? A frantic search ensued. Would I have to cut open my bag?

Finally, I entered the dark bathroom, took a deep breath, and prayed. That’s when God whispered. “I am going to give you a key.” It wasn’t audible. The phrase just floated to the surface of my mind. I paused to think. He meant something beyond the luggage key—another double meaning.

My spiritual antenna went up.

I returned to my suitcase and almost immediately found the little lock key. It had slipped out of sight between some folded shirts. I thanked God, but remained alert.

What are you saying to me, God? At the time, I felt very angry and unresolved with someone in my life. Still, nothing happened right away.

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The speaker had one word printed on it…

An hour later, I watched a movie on a laptop, using a small amplifying appliance to increase the sound. All at once, I noticed the brand name of the appliance: Edifier. Made by a Chinese company, Edifier International specializes in audio equipment. But the term is well known in Christianese because it’s used nearly a dozen times in the New Testament. (KJV)

An edifier, by definition, is a person who instructs in order to encourage intellectual, moral, or spiritual improvement. And God spoke this word to me with metaphorical emphasis through “amplifying speakers,” making His message loud and clear. The creative language of God is surprising and even funny at times.

She hurt me...

She hurt me…

However, it wasn’t funny to me then. To edify was the key—but it was the last thing I wanted to do. In essence God was saying, “Don’t rip into this person regarding her failures. Instead, remind her who she really is—the person I made her to be before all the disappointments.”

God was asking me to move in the opposite spirit.Continue reading

Key Things

Key Things

“She could die from suffocation.” My heart dropped.

My mother’s spine was slowly collapsing, disrupting the connection of brain to body. The parish nurse told me numerous scary results. I began to pray in earnest that she would not experience any of those frightening outcomes. “Please Lord, have mercy on her final days!” I pleaded. “Oh God, let her die peacefully in her sleep.”

You know…God listens.

He felt my troubled heart. While He cares deeply about the dying person, He also moves supernaturally to comfort those left behind.

Gold Key Necklace

The key was a looking glass into another world

So one day while praying, I had a brief vision: In my mind’s eye, I stood inside a planetarium with my mother. The space was dark, except for a spotlight, which shone down on her. She seemed radiant and serene. A golden key on a thin chain was draped around her neck. It gleamed in a mystical way.

Then I noticed something extraordinary. The circular loops at the top of the key had a sky-blue center. I lifted the key to take a closer look. The loops were actually tiny windows into different realm. And in that other place the sky stayed blue, though on earth it was dark. Just then, a panel in the domed ceiling opened, and through the slotted section I saw the starry night sky. The vision ended there.

A simple scene—a poignant message.

My mother had the key to heaven—her passage would be secure. The rounded ceiling of the planetarium symbolized her earthly life. The panel opened, signaling it was time for her to go. Perhaps she’d slip away at night. All was well. The dream laid a blanket of peace over me for the remaining months of her life.

But God didn’t stop there.Continue reading

Of Shadows and Light

Of Shadows and Light

“Dear God, I cannot love Thee the way I want to.

You are the slim crescent of a moon that I see

And my self is the earth’s shadow that keeps me from seeing all the moon…

I do not know you God, because I am in the way.”

~Flannery O’Connor, A Prayer Journal 

Flannery O’Connor’s personal writings show a heart that longs for intimacy with God. Her initial entries, however, reflect feelings of failure. As a Catholic, she knew traditional prayers but noted, “I have been saying them and not feeling them. My attention is always very fugitive.”

One particular phrase caught my attention. She asked God what He really wanted from her, hoping to avoid the pitfalls of “scrupulous nervousness” and “lax presumption.” I believe countless people of faith either live in one mindset or the other. Or worse, they ping-pong between the two.

Labyrinth photoThink about it for a moment. Does the Christian life feel like a perpetual labyrinth, requiring constant attention to avoid a wrong turn or falling into a hole? Do we have to keep some sort of perfect equilibrium to get through the minefield of carnal life and finally win the pleasure of God?

Or do we compartmentalize our faith into something we do on Sundays? Does our prayer life boil down to “Help!” in times of urgency? Still, we’ve been baptized and know the Scriptures, and occasionally give a dollar to that guy on the street corner. So we’re set.

Is God breathing down our necks and wagging a finger? Or is He off in the distance, giving us an occasional thumbs up? Of course, neither image characterizes God.

I closed O’Connor’s book and felt a wave of gratitude. For years now, I have been free from the shadows of condemnation. As I describe in my book—being under condemnation feels like God is constantly disappointed with you. You come up short every day and say with resolve, “I’ll try harder tomorrow.” You spend hours baking cherry pies only to find out that God really prefers apple.

Somewhere on my long journey of faith, I discovered that freedom from condemnation is not presumption.Continue reading