Key Things

Key Things

“She could die from suffocation.” My heart dropped.

My mother’s spine was slowly collapsing, disrupting the connection of brain to body. The parish nurse told me numerous scary results. I began to pray in earnest that she would not experience any of those frightening outcomes. “Please Lord, have mercy on her final days!” I pleaded. “Oh God, let her die peacefully in her sleep.”

You know…God listens.

He felt my troubled heart. While He cares deeply about the dying person, He also moves supernaturally to comfort those left behind.

Gold Key Necklace

The key was a looking glass into another world

So one day while praying, I had a brief vision: In my mind’s eye, I stood inside a planetarium with my mother. The space was dark, except for a spotlight, which shone down on her. She seemed radiant and serene. A golden key on a thin chain was draped around her neck. It gleamed in a mystical way.

Then I noticed something extraordinary. The circular loops at the top of the key had a sky-blue center. I lifted the key to take a closer look. The loops were actually tiny windows into different realm. And in that other place the sky stayed blue, though on earth it was dark. Just then, a panel in the domed ceiling opened, and through the slotted section I saw the starry night sky. The vision ended there.

A simple scene—a poignant message.

My mother had the key to heaven—her passage would be secure. The rounded ceiling of the planetarium symbolized her earthly life. The panel opened, signaling it was time for her to go. Perhaps she’d slip away at night. All was well. The dream laid a blanket of peace over me for the remaining months of her life.

But God didn’t stop there.Continue reading

Double Meanings

Double Meanings

Sarah and Danelle

Sarah and Danelle

Around eight years ago, my daughter Sarah and her friend Danelle spent a weekend at a remote cabin. The property, owned by Danelle’s family, is located near the Boulder River, south of Big Timber, Montana. The girls were in their early twenties, a time of life when it’s tempting to think you’re immortal. But that early spring day, they ended up in a perilous situation.

ATV in MTThey headed out on a four-wheeler to find another friend’s cabin, which they thought was only a few miles away. The damp air felt cool with temperatures in the forties. Danelle remembers patches of snow still on the ground.

Following the river, they eventually came to a narrow bridge. They’d need to cross it, but the gate was locked. They tried climbing around the gate to the outside ledge of the bridge, but that didn’t work. So, rolling up their pants the girls decided to cross the river, stepping from boulder to boulder. The hip-high current of white roiling water was nearly twenty-five yards wide. The girls got a little wet in the process.

Snowmelt water is dangerously cold, and they didn’t actually know the location of the other cabin. Without the four-wheeler, they wouldn’t make much progress. The girls soon realized the futility of their plan and turned back. But when they got to the four-wheeler, the key was missing. It had been in Danelle’s coat pocket.

KeysI don’t know if you’ve ever seen a key quite that small. The black head is the size of a nickel, and the silver metal part is thin and only a ¾ of an inch long. The girls searched frantically around the four-wheeler and in all their pockets. Sarah even crossed over the rocks to comb the other shore.

Still no key.

They were in the middle of nowhere. No cell coverage, no car or truck likely to pass by. No one to help. To walk back to Danelle’s cabin in their compromised condition would have been dicey. They were miles away. Hypothermia catches many people off guard. It’s tragically easy to underestimate the elements in Montana.

Danelle and Sarah gazed at the river with wondering eyes. Panic set in.

Sarah said, “Let’s pray.” So they paused and asked God for help. Afterwards, Sarah retraced their steps across the river. Danelle yelled, “If you find that key in the river… I’ll believe that God is real!”

My daughter worked her way across the fast-moving water. You couldn’t see the bottom at all. By one specific boulder, she felt God say, “Here.” She stripped down to her underwear to keep her clothes mostly dry. Still, she’d have to go into the water—a risky choice given the temperatures. There was no other way.Continue reading

God’s Redress

God’s Redress

Last week, I discussed the word “bemoan” – a normal response to pain. Especially stored-up pain. To fully understand the next several posts, you may need to go back and read it.

The second word, of the three that God gave me in the night, was “redress.” It means to set right, remedy, relieve distress, and bring correction or retribution. The words came initially as an enigma, because I was not in a thinking-them-up posture. I took notice though and searched them out, always valuing the possibility that God might speak to me.

Woman crying kleenexTwo days later, God pried open a pocket of deep sorrow, and I cried my eyes out. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Some ugly words and thoughts surfaced. A pile of snotty Kleenexes. Puffy eyes. Embarrassment. A deep ache in my chest.

It had to do with not feeling “place.” God wanted to redress that with me.

Let me explain.

Years ago, Gordon Dalbey, a wonderful teacher and author, prayed with me. He said a spirit of abdication had formed over my life since childhood. Abdicate means to renounce or relinquish a throne, right, power, claim, responsibility, or the like. “God wants you to take your rightful place,” he said.

In our youth, we all form a sense of self. Though I had stable and loving parents, by nature I was a shy and quiet girl. I learned what to say and do by taking cues from others. It was fertile ground for codependency.

While that is a natural response, maturity should bring a sense of self that is healthy, robust, and has boundaries. But I didn’t know the line where other people ended and I began. It seemed far easier to adapt myself to others. For years, I fostered a mirage of unity by playing the game of peace-at-any-price. I submerged myself to fill the gap of differences—an illusion of intimacy.

My fear was this—if I live fully alive, sparks will fly.

Self-discovery came slowly and later in my life.Continue reading