Okay, so it’s late one night. I’m finishing up the dishes, when my husband says, “What that noise?” I’m dog-tired but shut off the water to see what he’s talking about.

BEEP.

I hear the familiar “chirp” of a smoke alarm battery about to die. It’s loud enough to be annoying.

We have two smoke alarms close together—one in the hall and another a few feet away inside the bedroom door. We stand underneath both trying to determine which one is beeping.

Wait for it…BEEP.

It has to be the bedroom one. I get a ladder and a new 9-volt battery. Once Duncan snaps it in, we pause and listen. BEEP. Good grief! There’s no sleeping with that going on. We check expiration dates on the battery packages and try other new ones. BEEP.

I close the door to see if it’s really the hall smoke alarm after all. BEEP.

It’s not.

Who are you going to call at 11:00 p.m.? I get on my computer to watch YouTube tutorials, thinking—how complicated can this be? Duncan is so irritated he’s threatening to cut wires.

I watch several How-To-Stop-The-Beep videos and say to myself—we must be idiots!  I know how to change a battery.

BEEP.

Duncan gets the pliers and finally yanks out the electric-wire plug from the back of the smoke alarm. There! That should do it for now. Meanwhile, I’m learning all about 10-year batteries on YouTube.

BEEP.

What on earth? The plastic device is still beeping without electricity or battery power. It’s The Smoke Alarm From Hell! We are driven mad! How can this be? Duncan’s about to get a sledge hammer. Continue reading