God’s Redress

Last week, I discussed the word “bemoan” – a normal response to pain. Especially stored-up pain. To fully understand the next several posts, you may need to go back and read it.

The second word, of the three that God gave me in the night, was “redress.” It means to set right, remedy, relieve distress, and bring correction or retribution. The words came initially as an enigma, because I was not in a thinking-them-up posture. I took notice though and searched them out, always valuing the possibility that God might speak to me.

Two days later, God pried open a pocket of deep sorrow, and I cried my eyes out. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Some ugly words and thoughts surfaced. A pile of snotty Kleenexes. Puffy eyes. Embarrassment. A deep ache in my chest.

It had to do with not feeling “place.” God wanted to redress that with me.

Let me explain.

Years ago, Gordon Dalbey, a wonderful teacher and author, prayed with me. He said a spirit of abdication had formed over my life since childhood. Abdicate means to renounce or relinquish a throne, right, power, claim, responsibility, or the like. “God wants you to take your rightful place,” he said.

In our youth, we all form a sense of self. Though I had stable and loving parents, by nature I was a shy and quiet girl. I learned what to say and do by taking cues from others. It was fertile ground for codependency.

While that is a natural response, maturity should bring a sense of self that is healthy, robust, and has boundaries. But I didn’t know the line where other people ended and I began. It seemed far easier to adapt myself to others. For years, I fostered a mirage of unity by playing the game of peace-at-any-price. I submerged myself to fill the gap of differences—an illusion of intimacy.

My fear was this—if I live fully alive, sparks will fly.

Self-discovery came slowly and later in my life.

Strong personalities surround themselves with people like me. I know the dance and got quite good at it. It worked, because I didn’t like the discomfort of being my true self.

Living “small” is an agreement to minimize our place in the world.

Does this resonate with you? Sometimes this strategy is forced upon those with a gentler nature and can be far more damaging. I merely chose it as a path of least resistance.

But this is a far cry from God’s design. He wants fully developed people—both men and women. He insists on iron-sharpening-iron relationships. He needs Beauties to unravel the Beasts, restoring the person who hides inside. He calls on the Prince to elevate the subjugated Cinderella, saying “Don’t you know who you are? You are royalty!”

I asked God what that would look like—people living authentically, in unity with each other?

One night while watching the closing ceremonies of the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, He showed me.  It was a pageantry of theatre, but what stood out were the beautiful movements of a man and a woman ice-dancing. In order for the dance to work, both had to be strong and accomplished athletes, moving in synchronicity. A glorious thing to behold. God’s answer to my question took my breath away.

Watch it. Charlotte Church and Josh Groban sing a duet called “The Prayer,” while the ice dancers perform. Here are some of the lyrics…

I pray you’ll be our eyes, and watch us where we go

And help us to be wise,
 in times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way

Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
,

To a place where we’ll be safe

So God came to redress that issue in my life. It wasn’t the first time, but rather a long, slow intervention with a patient, loving God.

The aberration is when shy, codependent people try breaking free by going to the other extreme of being selfish and mouthy. The feminist movement smacked with those tendencies. God slowly taught me to own myself. In my journals, I found a sample of His urgings…

“My Child…Step up into life. You have been submerged too long. Be fully alive. Be Susan. Yet at the same time, wait on Me to change the hearts of those around you. That is My domain. When you choose to be yourself, it interfaces with what I am doing in unseen ways. There is a time to say, “I’m not going to do that anymore.” Listen for My promptings and then draw a firm line. I will reveal yourself to you, and others will see you with new eyes. You are not invisible to Me.”

I wrote that down as part of a Listening Prayer exercise. You know a message carries the tenor and texture of God’s voice, when the substance of what is said surprises you. I wept hard.

Redress.  A single word, spoken in the night, potent with meaning. And there’s much more to this story.  Stay tuned…