God’s Voiceover

God’s Voiceover

Last night while lying in bed with the light on, I looked around my room. In the quiet comfort of home, I studied family photos on the wall. On my dresser stood a half-finished painting I started last summer—a landscape of a place I love. The feather comforter over my body felt light as a cloud. A fan gently droned in the corner. How easy it is to take it all for granted—to go to sleep in clean sheets, peace, and safety.

HandcuffedAcross the world from me in a Sudanese prison cell, a woman’s fate hangs in the balance. Though she has just given birth to a baby girl and has her toddler son with her, she is shackled like a criminal for being a Christian. She faces 100 lashes and death by hanging. But she will not renounce Christ. By the time this posts, I don’t know if she will be alive or dead.

Streetside Beggar PeopleI thought about that all day. It’s easy to pick up the concerns of the world. In my mind, it compounds very quickly. For instance, at this moment, thousands of children are crossing our southern border desperate to stay in America. Iraq is being overtaken with terror beyond belief. Many days it feels like I only have two choices: get overwhelmed or get numb. I’m not the ostrich type.

Yet as I laid in the stillness of my room last night, I wondered…God, where are You in all this? What on earth is happening? What kind of world will my children and grandchildren face?

I do feel we are living in a critical time of history with many unprecedented changes. The Lord is shaking the earth so that everything that remains is unshakable. Hebrews 12:27

But in times like this, what is our hope?

For years now, I can’t even count how frequently I see the number 722. On clocks, receipts, airplane tickets, confirmation numbers, license plates, you name it—722 comes up every other day. A pastor friend once said: when you see a number sequence more often than coincidence, search it out in Scripture. So I looked up every possible verse and read the context around it.

Though the study proved interesting, only one verse stood out:Continue reading

Of Shadows and Light

Of Shadows and Light

“Dear God, I cannot love Thee the way I want to.

You are the slim crescent of a moon that I see

And my self is the earth’s shadow that keeps me from seeing all the moon…

I do not know you God, because I am in the way.”

~Flannery O’Connor, A Prayer Journal 

Flannery O’Connor’s personal writings show a heart that longs for intimacy with God. Her initial entries, however, reflect feelings of failure. As a Catholic, she knew traditional prayers but noted, “I have been saying them and not feeling them. My attention is always very fugitive.”

One particular phrase caught my attention. She asked God what He really wanted from her, hoping to avoid the pitfalls of “scrupulous nervousness” and “lax presumption.” I believe countless people of faith either live in one mindset or the other. Or worse, they ping-pong between the two.

Labyrinth photoThink about it for a moment. Does the Christian life feel like a perpetual labyrinth, requiring constant attention to avoid a wrong turn or falling into a hole? Do we have to keep some sort of perfect equilibrium to get through the minefield of carnal life and finally win the pleasure of God?

Or do we compartmentalize our faith into something we do on Sundays? Does our prayer life boil down to “Help!” in times of urgency? Still, we’ve been baptized and know the Scriptures, and occasionally give a dollar to that guy on the street corner. So we’re set.

Is God breathing down our necks and wagging a finger? Or is He off in the distance, giving us an occasional thumbs up? Of course, neither image characterizes God.

I closed O’Connor’s book and felt a wave of gratitude. For years now, I have been free from the shadows of condemnation. As I describe in my book—being under condemnation feels like God is constantly disappointed with you. You come up short every day and say with resolve, “I’ll try harder tomorrow.” You spend hours baking cherry pies only to find out that God really prefers apple.

Somewhere on my long journey of faith, I discovered that freedom from condemnation is not presumption.Continue reading

Fire In Our Bones

Fire In Our Bones

“Good night, good night!

Parting is such sweet sorrow,

That I shall say good night

 Till it be morrow.”

So said Juliet to her Romeo, not knowing where a balcony moment of affection would lead. To truly love, is to open ourselves up to both extremes of sweet ecstasy and crushing sorrow. Shakespeare’s timeless play is at once beautiful and agonizing for that reason.

We want it to end differently.

Love between people is a cosmic mystery. It’s a vibrant, potent connection. Did you feel the chemistry between pair skaters, Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov, performing at the Sochi Winter Olympics?

And of course, it’s more expansive than romantic love. Have you watched any soldiers-returning-home clips on YouTube? Millions have. Children and fathers…mothers and sons…families reuniting after long separations. Tears weave down my cheeks, though I really don’t know them.

Parting ways for a season is hard, but completely losing our connection of love is worse.

Amish Family

I recently saw a documentary called, The Amish: Shunned. The story “follows seven people who have chosen to leave their closed and tightly-knit communities for the outside world. Each has paid deeply for their decision. Estranged from loved ones, these former Amish find themselves struggling to make their way.” The loss of connection and community seems to be much harder for these “prodigals,” than any challenge of the modern world.

An all or nothing choice is wrenching. I felt it in my gut as I watched. Continue reading