Saying Yes

Saying Yes

“I don’t know Who—or what—put the question.

I don’t know when it was put.

I don’t even remember answering.

But at some moment I did answer Yes to Someone—or Something

and from that hour

I was certain that existence is meaningful and that, therefore,

my life, in self-surrender, had a goal.”

 —Dag Hammarskjold, Markings

In my teen years and early twenties, Dag Hammarskjold’s book, Markings, captivated me. I found it in my grandmother’s library. She was an evolved woman for her time. Beautiful, smart, articulate, and full of the Holy Spirit—she was really something. My grandfather left love notes in her Bible, addressing her as “Myrtle, my queen.” Above is a photo of my grandparents when they worked in New Delhi India, after the Gandhi years.

I think what moved me about my grandmother and also Hammarskjold was their capacity to talk or write about things in a real way. Not many in their generation did.

Perhaps that’s why J.D. Salinger’s, The Catcher in the Rye, exploded on the literary scene in 1951, because few had written so honestly.

Wikipedia says, Salinger’s book still sells a quarter of a million copies every year and has been translated into nearly all the world’s major languages. “The novel deals with complex issues of identity, belonging, connection and alienation.” Not that we’ve ever needed more icons of teenage rebellion. But most people want more honesty.

It’s also why I like Don Miller’s writing voice and his breakout book, Blue Like Jazz: Non-Religious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality.  The subtitle alone hooked me. I crave authenticity.

And that craving inspired me to write, Closer Than Your Skin. I didn’t have an appetite to write a pedantic, preachy kind of non-fiction book. That would be “drivel” as one editor put it. I wanted to write honestly about the Christian journey and mostly talk about a real God—not knowledge, theology, or platitudes but tangible encounters.

Experiencing God begins with saying, “Yes.” It began that way for me, and it can begin that way for you. Hopefully it already has.

Patrisha doing her thing

Patrisha doing her thing

Let me share one of my “yes” encounters.

Ray Hughes spoke at a Bozeman conference in July 2009. My friend Patrisha Gazy, a prophetic artist, was asked to paint. During the worship time, she started working on a large canvas up near the stage.

At that time in my life, my book had been published and in stores for 19 months. I’d also completed a 34-cities, 55-events, book tour that I paid for and organized. It took a ton of time and energy and was a financial risk. By God’s grace, book sales paid for it in the end.

My editor encouraged me to write another book—maybe a novel this time. Are you kidding? A prophetic lady I met on the tour prophesied that I would write many books. (BTW, there are two other prolific authors named, “Susan Hill,” both from England—maybe she confused me with them!)

The truth? I couldn’t even imagine it. I was tired.

So God decided to approach the subject in a different way, and one night I had a dream.Continue reading

Of Shadows and Light

Of Shadows and Light

“Dear God, I cannot love Thee the way I want to.

You are the slim crescent of a moon that I see

And my self is the earth’s shadow that keeps me from seeing all the moon…

I do not know you God, because I am in the way.”

~Flannery O’Connor, A Prayer Journal 

Flannery O’Connor’s personal writings show a heart that longs for intimacy with God. Her initial entries, however, reflect feelings of failure. As a Catholic, she knew traditional prayers but noted, “I have been saying them and not feeling them. My attention is always very fugitive.”

One particular phrase caught my attention. She asked God what He really wanted from her, hoping to avoid the pitfalls of “scrupulous nervousness” and “lax presumption.” I believe countless people of faith either live in one mindset or the other. Or worse, they ping-pong between the two.

Labyrinth photoThink about it for a moment. Does the Christian life feel like a perpetual labyrinth, requiring constant attention to avoid a wrong turn or falling into a hole? Do we have to keep some sort of perfect equilibrium to get through the minefield of carnal life and finally win the pleasure of God?

Or do we compartmentalize our faith into something we do on Sundays? Does our prayer life boil down to “Help!” in times of urgency? Still, we’ve been baptized and know the Scriptures, and occasionally give a dollar to that guy on the street corner. So we’re set.

Is God breathing down our necks and wagging a finger? Or is He off in the distance, giving us an occasional thumbs up? Of course, neither image characterizes God.

I closed O’Connor’s book and felt a wave of gratitude. For years now, I have been free from the shadows of condemnation. As I describe in my book—being under condemnation feels like God is constantly disappointed with you. You come up short every day and say with resolve, “I’ll try harder tomorrow.” You spend hours baking cherry pies only to find out that God really prefers apple.

Somewhere on my long journey of faith, I discovered that freedom from condemnation is not presumption.Continue reading

Fire In Our Bones

Fire In Our Bones

“Good night, good night!

Parting is such sweet sorrow,

That I shall say good night

 Till it be morrow.”

So said Juliet to her Romeo, not knowing where a balcony moment of affection would lead. To truly love, is to open ourselves up to both extremes of sweet ecstasy and crushing sorrow. Shakespeare’s timeless play is at once beautiful and agonizing for that reason.

We want it to end differently.

Love between people is a cosmic mystery. It’s a vibrant, potent connection. Did you feel the chemistry between pair skaters, Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov, performing at the Sochi Winter Olympics?

And of course, it’s more expansive than romantic love. Have you watched any soldiers-returning-home clips on YouTube? Millions have. Children and fathers…mothers and sons…families reuniting after long separations. Tears weave down my cheeks, though I really don’t know them.

Parting ways for a season is hard, but completely losing our connection of love is worse.

Amish Family

I recently saw a documentary called, The Amish: Shunned. The story “follows seven people who have chosen to leave their closed and tightly-knit communities for the outside world. Each has paid deeply for their decision. Estranged from loved ones, these former Amish find themselves struggling to make their way.” The loss of connection and community seems to be much harder for these “prodigals,” than any challenge of the modern world.

An all or nothing choice is wrenching. I felt it in my gut as I watched. Continue reading